As your ex is packing up the last of his belongings and you're
sprawled elegantly across the couch secretly hoping he will have a
change of heart, wouldn't it be wonderful if you could take a huge box,
label it with the words 'emotional baggage' and throw into it all of the
memories of the last few years? Replete with arguments, put downs,
screaming matches, the drama, the cheating and the jealousy, sending it
all off in your departed's awaiting cab?
Even better, you could launch it like a missile at the back of his head as he walks out of the door.
And live happily ever after.
We've all been there, break-ups are horrid. If you could turn the door-key feeling safe in the knowledge that everything worked out fine for Cinderella, Repunzel and Snow-white just like Mummy told you, then all well and good but they didn't exactly have an easy time of it either.
After a break up you tend to feel unworthy, useless, ugly, fat, downtrodden and downright miserable. Especially of your ex made you believe all of those things about yourself.
Everyone feels that way so don't worry, you're not that special!
So you don't want to take a shower or wash your hair.
It's not long before you realise your ex was right, you do in fact resemble a raving banshee.
You smell pretty bad too.
You hibernate.
A powerful magnetic force appears to have sealed you into a new relationship with the couch.
You can't work.
You can't answer the phone.
You can't clean the house.
You can't cook.
You watch weepy movies as if you will locate the magic cure for misery in the dark and murky depths of feeling worse.
You're surrounded by tissues.
You eat.
Oh yes you can eat, and have another new found love for Doritos, Pringles, chocolate, chocolate, oh and heaps of chocolate, all washed down with a gallon of wine.
You can't sleep, this is good you consider. You always look younger when you can't sleep, the puffy eyes erase your crows feet, bonus!
Yeah sure, a bonus if you didn't have Tina Turner's hair, Rudolph's nose and Shrek's breath.
A few days go by before you hear a knock at the door.
As you slide a little too enthusiastically along the polished wooden floor suddenly realising it could be him, you catch a glimpse of your best friend through the glass door, she's carrying a large box of heart shaped chocolates, two good bottles of fizz and several packets of luxury tissues.
How ironic that she brought those specific items you consider, since you are the only person in the universe to have ever suffered a break-up.
You realise you are in for the full 'pull yourself together' speech but have to let her in as you're down to your very last chunk of Yorkie.
There's no pull yourself together speech, there's no 'there there now, everything is going to be OK', she didn't even want to watch a weepy!
What kind of BFF is she anyway? Bet she rips off Band-Aids too!
Your best friend flips open her iPad and tells you, "This is the moment that will turn your whole life around".
As she keys 'online dating' into the search engine, you exhale heavily and stifle a groan.
You're certainly not ready for dating, his side of the bed is still warm - only sushi is more raw.
She tells you, "This is not about dating, this is about self worth, self esteem, feeling good about yourself again".
As she rolls up her sleeves, she says, "Now stop talking, sit back and pop that cork, I'm about to perform a miracle".
PART II coming to an inbox near you very soon.
Even better, you could launch it like a missile at the back of his head as he walks out of the door.
And live happily ever after.
We've all been there, break-ups are horrid. If you could turn the door-key feeling safe in the knowledge that everything worked out fine for Cinderella, Repunzel and Snow-white just like Mummy told you, then all well and good but they didn't exactly have an easy time of it either.
After a break up you tend to feel unworthy, useless, ugly, fat, downtrodden and downright miserable. Especially of your ex made you believe all of those things about yourself.
Everyone feels that way so don't worry, you're not that special!
So you don't want to take a shower or wash your hair.
It's not long before you realise your ex was right, you do in fact resemble a raving banshee.
You smell pretty bad too.
You hibernate.
A powerful magnetic force appears to have sealed you into a new relationship with the couch.
You can't work.
You can't answer the phone.
You can't clean the house.
You can't cook.
You watch weepy movies as if you will locate the magic cure for misery in the dark and murky depths of feeling worse.
You're surrounded by tissues.
You eat.
Oh yes you can eat, and have another new found love for Doritos, Pringles, chocolate, chocolate, oh and heaps of chocolate, all washed down with a gallon of wine.
You can't sleep, this is good you consider. You always look younger when you can't sleep, the puffy eyes erase your crows feet, bonus!
Yeah sure, a bonus if you didn't have Tina Turner's hair, Rudolph's nose and Shrek's breath.
A few days go by before you hear a knock at the door.
As you slide a little too enthusiastically along the polished wooden floor suddenly realising it could be him, you catch a glimpse of your best friend through the glass door, she's carrying a large box of heart shaped chocolates, two good bottles of fizz and several packets of luxury tissues.
How ironic that she brought those specific items you consider, since you are the only person in the universe to have ever suffered a break-up.
You realise you are in for the full 'pull yourself together' speech but have to let her in as you're down to your very last chunk of Yorkie.
There's no pull yourself together speech, there's no 'there there now, everything is going to be OK', she didn't even want to watch a weepy!
What kind of BFF is she anyway? Bet she rips off Band-Aids too!
Your best friend flips open her iPad and tells you, "This is the moment that will turn your whole life around".
As she keys 'online dating' into the search engine, you exhale heavily and stifle a groan.
You're certainly not ready for dating, his side of the bed is still warm - only sushi is more raw.
She tells you, "This is not about dating, this is about self worth, self esteem, feeling good about yourself again".
As she rolls up her sleeves, she says, "Now stop talking, sit back and pop that cork, I'm about to perform a miracle".
PART II coming to an inbox near you very soon.
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At the same time you are able to really get to know them through reading their comments, news and status updates, ideal for anyone with trust issues.
We offer friend requests, newsfeed, photo rating and commenting, shoutbox, plus so many more features.
All of these features allow you to takes things as fast or as slow as you like. What can be better than making new friends online who will compliment you, tell you how beautiful you are and appreciate you as a person.
At the same time you are able to really get to know them through reading their comments, news and status updates, ideal for anyone with trust issues.